The Fallout
When I was younger and had witnessed a few of the old world war II tapes and learned of the cold war, I started thinking that it was going to all end in a nuclear holocaust. I don’t know why I came to this conclusion at the time, I was probably 12 or maybe a little younger, it was certainly before I picked up yo-yoing. But there was always a feeling at the back of my mind that when everything ended, it wouldn’t be a long drawn out illness or a quick gunshot, but a swift and furious hellstorm of wind and fire.
Since those days every time I heard a low rumble in the distance or saw a suspicious cloud over the mountains surrounding the valley I live in I started to question my future, that is, would I have one? Additionally I would also question my past, had I lived a life worth living? Honestly I don’t know how I should answer that question, In one case the life I lived made me who I am today, but in another case, the life I lived has yet to make me who I want to be. And bearing that in mind, these gloomy reminders of the fragility of our futures have caused me to be somewhat more motivated to make my life what I want it to be.
I no longer enjoy the concept of watching other people live their lives, for instance reality television or magazines. I feel like this is a waste of my life, which I could be doing something interesting in, and if nothing, at least reading a book or finding some way to keep myself busy. I will however acknowledge that sometimes watching others live their lives gives you ideas of things to do in your own life. However this is a weak excuse to continue doing so and I’ve found that simply hanging out with a handful of rowdy friends makes up for this and creates many things to do and situations to get out of. This ultimately makes my life more interesting and fulfilling.
I also realized that I only have one guaranteed life and refuse to live it being weak. Because of this I’ve made it my mission to bulk up and increase my strength. I have found employment where I’m constantly lifting and moving heavy and bulky items, this will naturally increase my strength. The correct nutrition on the other hand (something I do not have yet and am learning about) will help fill in the other side. Additionally when able to I will start attending a gym to speed up this process. I don’t know why this is such an important aspect to me, in this case I feel this was envy based and because it’s not something I can go out and buy to fulfill my irrational need and it’s something I truly have to work for I’ve decided to fulfill it.
What all sparked this post? As I was laying down, relaxing and enjoying my ‘weekend’ from work I heard a low rumble in the distance, and the thoughts came pouring back to me I am not always reminded of this when I hear the low rumble, I’ve actually found that the more I hear it and associate it with its actual cause, the less often I think about these strange things. But I feel like the occasional reminder of the inevitable end, although horrifying if my morbid method were to come to fruition, I feel that I’m constantly reminded of my mortality and in a sense motivated to change and grow, to live the best life I can before it’s all over and gone. Not that it’ll matter when I am gone, without consciousness, but in my eyes I’m leaving a legacy and an example to others (future children and grandchildren), and when I take that into consideration I start to worry about the life I’ve been living and the examples I’ve been setting.
And so, the low rumbles and mushroom clouds taunting me in my imagination will help me grow and develop. It may not be the best method of personal motivation for success, but it works for me.